Author Archives: Bozo

HKS C500 – Umm. Hello?

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HK – psst! Over here! Behind your rig! Hanging out by the shiny silver characters on your Benz that say, to me at least, R 500. So here’s the problem, see. Your plate says C 500. HK – or should I call you Heather? – what’s up? Are these little letters too confusing? I agree – what’s the R for when it should be a C for ‘chariot’ right? I’m with you on this one. So how about maybe getting a silvery C for up there on the left, too?

Or did you think you’d fool us into thinking this minivan is a coupe? Was that it? It’s so sleek and all and we’re so dazzled by that peace-sign-you-call-a-benz-symbol that we’d overlook the two sliding doors and seating for 26?

 

Minivan = R, right?

Minivan = R, right?

ROZS350 – Ya Know – Shorthand

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Think maybe Roz was a steno clerk back in the day? Nah. More like a Martha Stewart, if you ask me.

I’m seeing Roz as, let’s just say, matronly. Yes, it’s only a 350 (which I guess means it’s an E) but that’s plenty to haul Roz around from the scrapbooking store to the rotary club to the tennis luncheon. From there, she’ll visit the florist for some arrangements and a glass of chardonnay, and then she’ll get home in time for her guided meditation with Hans. She has to be sure to leave home before the nanny arrives with the kids – oh, the noise and disruption!

We all know what’s important in life: a Benz from a dealer in Santa Monica.

 

rozs350

TUCKS Z – Old Times

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Back when I was a wee lad, back when Coors was considered artisanal and Ma Bell was the only phone company, a Z was a Z. And it was a Datsun.

Back then, before the heydeys of fancy-pants personalized license plates, Bozos made due with the tools at hand. And the Z crowd used the license plate frame to claim their membership in the Z club. Frames proclaimed “Z Doctor” and “Z Expert” and “Z Repair” as if only those so anointed could properly work on a Z, and with a hint that Zs seemed to need lots of work.

Then came the 80s. Datsun became Nissan, the 2002 and the Beetle died along with the Z. And then the Z came back. No resemblance to the car of lore of yore.

But, Tuck is clinging to the past, my friends. Tuck bought the Mustang II of the Nissan world and wants us all to know. Here, it’s not about the price, my friends, it’s that no one would think this thing is a Z. Good luck, Tuck.

 

Maybe one day, you'll get a real Z

Maybe one day, you'll get a real Z

4 EMMES – Understated

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Ah, yes, longtime readers of this blog will notice at once that we don’t know precisely “what” is for EMMES, but I feel that the implication is clear. It’s just that Emmes, owner of this Benz for several years, judging by the color of the plate, has style. Or, as Thurston Howell III might say, shtyle, lovie.

So, while this may be a slight departure from the rigid tenets of this project, I’m letting it ride.

 

So subtle - like a puzzle

So subtle - like a puzzle

STVZ SVT – Hard to Miss

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Steve-o – is that some stock Ford Focus you’re driving there? Or has that ride been pimped by Ford’s own Special Vehicle Team? The engineers really added some torque to that baby. And that exhaust and those wheels? I think you’ve basically got a Ferrari on your hands there.

Yellow and stunning!

Yellow and stunning!

HMY4GUY – Two ways to lame

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So is that ‘guy’ or is that ‘Guy’ the French way? Either way, I can tell you why it’s lame, but I’m pretty curious here.

No answer, huh? OK, then I’ll just have to break it down either way.

guy = lame. Like there’s a Hummy out there for a woman?

Guy = Lame. A Frenchy driving this? Lame.

And, of course, the color: lame. Sure, it’s hard enough to get noticed out there in a car-stomping monster machine like this, so you’ve got to go for yellow, with a personalized plate. Hopefully, now other people can see you out there.

 

My photographic skilz here = Lame

My photographic skilz here = Lame

KRIS VET – Not much to say

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KRIS, you’re not leaving me a lot to work with here. You, like Rik, drive a Vette. Now, I suppose that in the land of the witty double entendre, you could also be a military vet, or an animal vet, but I’m thinking that wasn’t really the gist of the plate. I think it’s plain-and-simple “I’m Kris. I drive a Vette.” And, Kris, much luck to you and your Vette.

 

Ladies, Kris drives a Vette

Ladies, meet Kris. Kris drives a Vette.